Utter Terrain

panic attack

Well, -- jotting here trice a day, hmm dat didn’t happen.

Anyway, I am supposed to start making some effort in fulfilling my dreams—getting an A for my so-called thesis, or at least graduate. Seem like I’m making excuses for myself. I am trying very hard to forget yet it bugs me like when leman (my cat) didn’t get fed for 95 minutes.

I was thinking of changing my title, but farid said no hope in that. It’s a long shot, cuz we’re talking about puan amalina here. It’s eating my self-esteem and causing anxiety attack twice a day. Actually, my couldnt be bothered-ness is terrifying me more, not the problem of how am I going to finish it.

My co-supervisor is a great help, but as he explains, I seem to be pending 2 sentences, and it goes on.. and I am too ego to ask him to repeat. That wud smudge my reputation ( and who knew I was building one..hehe) . no… just not so keen on having people look at me like I am close to Joey tribiani.. ( but I honestly think Michael is even more clueless)

So when the tv is airing 3G commercial, I sighed.

Hmm, the more I hear it, the name 3G sort of reminded me of some hazardous substance..those uranium, selenium, cyanide and stuff.. like saying,,, ‘176ml of 3G substance was stolen’.. and u can hear gasps from people who actually care about the danger the world is facing.

So I read in this ‘new choices in natural healing’ book I gave my apak, and look for panic attack remedies.. and boy, what was I thinking…

            “ to subdue panic, close your eyes, breathe (why wud we do things and not breathe?) , imagine you in a closed coffin wrapped like a mummy (hah! Wudnt that encourage claustrophobia  (is it?)) accept your feelings and stay a while. Then push open the coffin, Step out and unwrap your mummy bandages (what the..?) . Crumple it into a ball and throw it into the dark cloud (if it’s sunny then we wud loose the mummy effect, kan) . watch the ball go into the center of d cloud and break it up. Allow the rain ( there’s rain too?Wow)  to wash over u and realize the panic is gone. Do it 3 minutes every 2 hour”

If u tell this imagery method to a panicking 5 year old. He’d drop dead at the 1^st minute.

Friends, give me some words that sounds like encouragement.

lazy

..why wud anybody want to blog?..

it's such a tiresome, neauseating, headache-trigering effort.. and yet everyone else is doing it.. and somehow get the joy of cramming my yahoo mailbox with your damn updates! i dont get it! seeing this people this people had updated their blog, fine.. hm, if they know me in person and looking back at those time, even when i was nice.. they should realize how little i care..

hahhahaa.. now vengence time.. i'm gonna fill all your mailbox with my updates announcement. true, getting even is devine..

haha.. "friendster- izakusha has updated her blog in friendster" hmm,,that sound quite nice and annoying...if i'm motivated, i'd do this bloggy thing trice a day..hah! talking about headaches!

anyway.. i'm not going to write anything important.. just crappy stuff in which i will deliver it generally and naturally.. and stimulate it in such a way dat anyone that i happen to maki or describe undiplomatically will feel the punch in his gut or at least get the hint la.. and that is the true purpose of blogs, true?

so welcome..why rusted mirror? bcoz it mite show the worse or even the best reflection of me. How in so many ways that reality bites, that reflection u see in ur mirror is your healer. when people ask how's life? and u answer it sucks! i guess u shud wipe ur mirror more. 'suck' is an event, it doesnt map out ur life or u.

that's good about writing here ha.. u can jot all u want, and get the joy of knowing some people mite not get anything from wat u wrote.. or some mite be fussing on how that 65 seconds shud be used on something more usefull..

i'm blessed..