My Happy Ending..

it's been a while. just busy figuring out the iza life i'm leading rite now. I am juggling everything around--till the extend I dont know which falls on which hands. Some people just think I am a lesser person just because I dont plan. but I do. but not in a way that u committed people do. I just know what I want then grab what I can get along the way. I dont have time frame, I dont have vivid images of how things should be, I dont have a reminder, i dont have post-it sticker to stay around more than 3 days, I dont have a gantt chart, I still dont have an insurance agent and basically I still dont have a lot of things. I used to plan, but that was an old story. I dont do it anymore. like hoobastank said --it all could go away with just one blink of an eye. It's true and it hurts more if i have had my life set for ten years ahead.

you plan or you dont. but I took the middle way- i plan for 'what' I want to achieve, not 'how'. So what is so bad about it? while so many people think it is irresponsible and immature, I dont agree. but what I do agree, --when you plan like I do, it gets confusing..because you dont know the roadmap, the stations you could stop at, the price you have to spend for petrol, the hitchikers u sympatize along the way. So it really does not sound like a plan-- It sounds like just a dream. U dream of the beginning and ending of your perfect life. Everything in the middle is full of joy, success and smoothness. who wud plan for a tsunami?

Right now I feel as if I am sleeping on a bed of roses (can I have sunflower instead?) despite the thin haze that mite come around every few days in a week, i still am sticking to my happy ending. I know to get it rite, it's not only depends on me, it also depends on the important people in my life, time, money, job, 7 human sins, malaysian politics, foreign exchange, takat beku, takat didih ; p. Dream is something people just think of achieving but deep down inside they think it is impossible. Dream for some is what they say to other people just to make them look good, to look ethical, sophisticated and care. In some cases, dream is seen as the maximum life permits to reach, which means ..when human is not suppose to be perfect, we can always settle for second best. set the bar higher to make sure u never gets satisfied.

My dreams are something I know I can achieve with a bit of extra work. I know I will make mistakes along the way, try plan B, C, E,Q.. I donno the route to that, and i am not committed to achieving just that as i may find a new dream while I am chasing the old ones. So much for my happy ending? No la,, that bumps and red lights are my life too. the route to success is never smooth, they said. what they didnt say is, what happens after the success? you get to keep them forever? maybe one or two lucky person can. For the rest of us, we know life works like a wheel,,kejap kat atas, kejap kat bawah,,we take our turns. tomorrow maybe a guy will break my heart, my mom would think my curry sucks, or I get a scholarship.

to all of you that always say "it is like a dream comes true". dont say that..as if it shudnt come true. or the mechanism of dream is to defy all your endless effort. I dont believe it as the true purpose why our brain subliminally creates dream.

maybe i wont get my happy ending, but right now I am giving all I have to get what I want. It does matter 'HOW', so I am also excited to find out how I will do it.

to this particular person, i dedicate this post to you. It is heartbreaking to realize that you dont give yourself enough credit. as if u feel you dont deserve to foght for your dreams and you are not as special. you are. If only you could see yourself the way that I do, you know you deserve evrything u have and your dreams can be fulfilled with your own two feet. They are not just empty dreams. Even if ur dream doesnt come true, there are many things u could learn from the fall so that you could brace yourself for the next try. You have grown up to be a wonderful person, yet you dont think that suits you. I dont have the physical capability to waive pompoms, shout, cheer and spell your name (maybe a bit of acrobatic stunt) to show that I believe in you. hey, So many people do, so why dont you join the crowd and starts believing in yourself.

Comments

[izakusha]

ila baca balik post ni, macam iye iye ajek tulis, while most of the time confidence issues aku lagi worse than org lain. Actually, other than the friend i mentioned, this post is also dedicated to myself too. i publish this, so that i will be responsible for what i have written. next time i have no choice but to believe in myself.