~~ The Utter Terrain ~~

My Happy Ending..

it's been a while. just busy figuring out the iza life i'm leading rite now. I am juggling everything around--till the extend I dont know which falls on which hands. Some people just think I am a lesser person just because I dont plan. but I do. but not in a way that u committed people do. I just know what I want then grab what I can get along the way. I dont have time frame, I dont have vivid images of how things should be, I dont have a reminder, i dont have post-it sticker to stay around more than 3 days, I dont have a gantt chart, I still dont have an insurance agent and basically I still dont have a lot of things. I used to plan, but that was an old story. I dont do it anymore. like hoobastank said --it all could go away with just one blink of an eye. It's true and it hurts more if i have had my life set for ten years ahead.

you plan or you dont. but I took the middle way- i plan for 'what' I want to achieve, not 'how'. So what is so bad about it? while so many people think it is irresponsible and immature, I dont agree. but what I do agree, --when you plan like I do, it gets confusing..because you dont know the roadmap, the stations you could stop at, the price you have to spend for petrol, the hitchikers u sympatize along the way. So it really does not sound like a plan-- It sounds like just a dream. U dream of the beginning and ending of your perfect life. Everything in the middle is full of joy, success and smoothness. who wud plan for a tsunami?

Right now I feel as if I am sleeping on a bed of roses (can I have sunflower instead?) despite the thin haze that mite come around every few days in a week, i still am sticking to my happy ending. I know to get it rite, it's not only depends on me, it also depends on the important people in my life, time, money, job, 7 human sins, malaysian politics, foreign exchange, takat beku, takat didih ; p. Dream is something people just think of achieving but deep down inside they think it is impossible. Dream for some is what they say to other people just to make them look good, to look ethical, sophisticated and care. In some cases, dream is seen as the maximum life permits to reach, which means ..when human is not suppose to be perfect, we can always settle for second best. set the bar higher to make sure u never gets satisfied.

My dreams are something I know I can achieve with a bit of extra work. I know I will make mistakes along the way, try plan B, C, E,Q.. I donno the route to that, and i am not committed to achieving just that as i may find a new dream while I am chasing the old ones. So much for my happy ending? No la,, that bumps and red lights are my life too. the route to success is never smooth, they said. what they didnt say is, what happens after the success? you get to keep them forever? maybe one or two lucky person can. For the rest of us, we know life works like a wheel,,kejap kat atas, kejap kat bawah,,we take our turns. tomorrow maybe a guy will break my heart, my mom would think my curry sucks, or I get a scholarship.

to all of you that always say "it is like a dream comes true". dont say that..as if it shudnt come true. or the mechanism of dream is to defy all your endless effort. I dont believe it as the true purpose why our brain subliminally creates dream.

maybe i wont get my happy ending, but right now I am giving all I have to get what I want. It does matter 'HOW', so I am also excited to find out how I will do it.

to this particular person, i dedicate this post to you. It is heartbreaking to realize that you dont give yourself enough credit. as if u feel you dont deserve to foght for your dreams and you are not as special. you are. If only you could see yourself the way that I do, you know you deserve evrything u have and your dreams can be fulfilled with your own two feet. They are not just empty dreams. Even if ur dream doesnt come true, there are many things u could learn from the fall so that you could brace yourself for the next try. You have grown up to be a wonderful person, yet you dont think that suits you. I dont have the physical capability to waive pompoms, shout, cheer and spell your name (maybe a bit of acrobatic stunt) to show that I believe in you. hey, So many people do, so why dont you join the crowd and starts believing in yourself.

TUBE GRUDGE

Since I’m going to start working on Monday, I’ve been lazing around watching TV and baking muffins (like I don’t watch tv ,any other day ;p) Anyway, this morning started off bad as I had this screaming n kicking episode with my nephew. Ha, he’s the star and I can’t even remember what was the shouting all about..wait, oh, I do!-- Banana Muffin. Never mind, he’d remember how I kicked his a** everytime he ever looks at a muffin again.  That’s the thing between the youngest child and the eldest nephew.

Beautiful morning was well ruined, I was looking forward to cherish the 8-11 am slot. My only hope was the cleaning and the tv to make my day. The mop plays along but the tv?—what happens to tube this day? even channel surfing are no fun anymore. I made the biggest mistake in this lifetime, when that very moment I held the remote and pressed 71. I was reading. Then, I heard this song.., my song, I mean my most most most favourite song, that I’ve been loving it like since 6 years ago..and still playing in my winamp 3-7 times a day—being played on MTV. I didn’t even dare to look as the song was not how it was supposed to be sung, it wasn’t his voice, and it was nothing but weird. Maybe the astro signal got interrupted or something, I guessed. I knew I guessed wrong and by the time “And I don't want to go home right now” , I had enough and looked up--then I totally know now how heart attack felt like. I saw I.R.I.S written at the corner of the screen but I didn’t see John Rzeznik, instead I was watching this clean cut guy wearing white, irish look with germ size charisma to sing this song. Of course, it’s Roanan keating (ronan?). What is he doing in the video clip? Cameo for goo goo dolls’Let Love In gimmic?—GGD will sing in the chorus? Then I realized the music arrangement was different and obviously the video clip was all wrong too. Instead of having scenes from City of Angels, analogically it looked like some Hidalgo banned soundtrack (I said banned- as to respect hidalgo production team). What does it has anything to do with desert and singing on top of Dubai most luxurious and exclusive hotel in the world? Looks like it is his song after all.

I was heartbroken. It felt something like the time I realized Wentworth M. (that Scofield guy in Prison Break) stars in Mariah Carey’s We Belong Together, but even sicker. I felt like infected, got some zombie vibe or anything similar I wish I can explain. How dare they turn this song –this one and only English song that I truly love, and please note that I don’t like the movie that much.- into THAT? Out of all singers, why on earth is Keating singing it? He may did well with that Notting Hill ost, but this is iris. No one can sing this better than John Rzeznik, so y keating did so since he’s always gonna b second best? This is an insult for the industry. Imagine ‘I don’t wanna Miss a Thing sung by Guy Sebastian. Even that Aussie sounds good, and looks better, no way he can match the Tyler much known aura and chemistry to that song.

If u have seen the music video, u know what I mean. I felt sick, watching the wind blowing on his face, while he contorted this suppose to be hurt and dying expression,-- riding a handsome horse along the beach—and yep, there was fire too! The song is so off beam without binoculars, tower and Rzeznik hair. It’s like the music director expected us to cry after watching it.

Beautiful morning, my b**@##&^)**&!%@##&~!!%$@?>!

Cry?.. I prefer swearing.

anyway

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be
shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may
be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have
and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

                                                                                   - Anonymous

IZA's BEAUTY HALL OF FAME

this post is dedicated to my Girlfriends or my metrosexuals who I still admits as my friends. Girls, bought CLEO this month? (i know it's not healthy to buy beauty magazine-- but i just cant resist freebies) this month's spot is on CLEO Beauty Hall of Fame. Mahal nye sumer sumer,korang kaye kaye maintenance tinggi bole la. It's OK..but i guess more suitable for 28-40. Basically i need beauty guidance for my community of people ( yang baru nak start keja n dapat gaji ciput pastu kena bayar toll..ha! familiar?)

So, I'm announcing my own beauty gadgets and products list that is affordable. I know i'm not a very credible source to endorse a product, given the state of my skin texture and inconsistency of maintaining good beauty habit--but it's my blog,,like i care. At least, i got good resource of products. hehe aku pau kakak2 aku yg 5 orang tuh., and tried everything in their makeup bags and bathroom racks. hah! now i sounded more credible kan? anyway, when my friends minta recommend ape ape-- i've always give the cheapest option, and the products worked on their skin or hair,, so, i guess that is considered " 2 years nutrition and beauty consultation related experience" if i were to put it on my resume.

ok..

*best powder eyeshadow - cosway's (glittering green) --rm 9.90

*best cream eye shadow - revlon ( tray of 4 colors)-- 39.90

*best translucent eye shadow- Za tranPoedwr for Eyes & Cheek-- 14.90

*best blusher- L'oreal Blush Deliciuez in candy cane --35 (******)

*best cream lipstick-- maybelline  19.90 and Yves Rocher - 25.90

*best lipstick (moisturized )- Revlon Moisturous Lip Color --29.90

*best charcoal eye liner- Yves Rocher--17.90 (give you that avril lavingne effect)

*best lip gloss-- stila (mahalkan?) ,,so Revlon--29.90

*best luminous foundation-- Giorgio Armani Silk-- 149

*best 2 way cake foundation- Za now Edition (blue) --33

*best glow enhancer- Body Shop Beauty Enhancer-- 30++

*best oil control loose powder - Za Groovy--33

*best moisturizer - Himalaya (anti wrinkle/ revitalizing night, etc) -- 17 to 35

*best toner for acne prone - Clinelle --17

*best acne gel- Za blemish Shoot (*****) --25.90

*best cleansing gel- Za Cleanmax doub Cleansing -- 28

*best scrub - St Ives Aprikot --18.90

*best whitening scrub- St Ives White-- 17.90

*best whitening cream - L'oreal Revita-- 49.90

*best night moisturizing cream Biotherm pink --199

*best dewy quick effect - clinique turn around mask--145 (****)

*best oily skin toner- SKII hehe   sub: Yves Rocher (green) 29.90

*best vitaminized gel - Yves Rocher (dewy somethin,,shape daun)-- 29.90

*best shampoo - Neutrogena (any kind) 29-59/ Himalaya 16.90/ Albert 9.90

*best conditioner - VO5 moisture soak 16.90

*best conditioner for dry or damaged - Elseve L'oreal ,white (*****)

*best shampoo for coloured hair- wella, of course

*best body lotion- Palmer's Cocoa Butter 29 to 60 / himalaya 16.90

*best scar fader - none!..Organic Aid Scar Serum Vit E bole la --58

*best hand lotion- Johnson & Johnson baby lotion

*best foot cream - Himalaya

*best perfume (tak tau la EDT ke EDP..harga pn malas cek, budget2 la)

     -flirty- Anna Sui Butterfly

    - Floral- Dior Cherie

    - Charismatic + best- Chanelno5/ Tresor & White Linen Estee Lauder/ Ralph Lauren Style/ Mademoisselle Chanel

    - my fav-- Giorgio Amani White (mane nak cari lagi nih? dah pupus) and Noa pearl (powdery scent)

    - Chic- Stila pink bottle

*best perfume for men-- Allure Homme Chanel, davidoff (blue), Hugo (fantasia Mawi tuh tak sedap!)

*best deodorant - Sanex Sensitive Skin--5.50

anyway,, kalau nak memang bagus.. i recommend SKII , Biotherm and Clinique lines. Jeles tgk org2 yang can afford this. So, nak sedap kan hati sebab tak mampu, aku kutuk la product tu banyak kimia la..nanti ade side effects..hehe. if i have the money pon, i dont think i'll splurge so much on beauty. It's only skin deep kan?

korang tambah tambahla good products in the comments ok>>

POSITIVE PESSIMIST

Hello.

This was a tired week indeed. Worked hard to impress people on interviews. Went to 3 interviews. I still think ‘be yourself’ doesn’t fit well in interview tips. Basically, it’s human intellectual nature to ‘be yourself + exaggerate a little, but only to extend that you are sure you are able to do the job and backup those whole exaggeration with a bit of extra work, and that--only after you are hired.’ I know jobstreet wont write that, but we human have this urge to impress by heart so it doesn’t matter how honest you are.

After 3 weeks of being unemployed.. I got the job that I want. (actually, work that I wish to do another 5 years,,but what the heck!) Only after that 2 hours of interview I found my confidence to handle the job went down to nearly zero. It was actually a relief when the interviewer asked “did I scare you? Good!..” hmm, He gets paid to scare new people like me, so this job sure looks fun.

Remember what I said about the whole “hating the ugly ill tempered old man  who invented the computer and people who encourage this industry to turn into something the country cannot grow without and basically torture my 5 years of university life?” and I said, I must be insane if I’m going to go hardcore in IT for my career. haha, I take back those words as I am going to be mingling with this stuff for my whole life—provided this career is what I think it is like. Lets hope so.

Wish me luck people. I know few of you think this is ridiculous. I do too,, just thot I’d give a try. If next week I quit,, aku halalkan segale umpatan dan kutukan..

Copp!.. to my friends yang I promise to inform you whenever I get a job. But I didn’t do so. I am sorry.. credit habisla..excited call my mak and sisters la,,

Anyway, this is also one channel to distribute good news kan.. sumimasen! GAMBARIMASU..

Pada yang still job hunting, banyak vacancy lagi don’t worry.. if they banyak soal about you not having experience, just show what you can do.. I mean show-literally, like ask for server + computers + ape2 yg perlu so dat you can do a demo. A bit of spunkiness and arrogance wont hurt. 

check out this sweet banners. non-post related, but i just like it.. maybe they are a bit smudgy, sorry